Sex Joke

Sex Joke

BLONDES IN A TREE

hat do you call ten naked blondes in a tree?
Ans: Country.

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Sex Joke

3 newlywed wives

Three recently married couples spend their honeymoon’s first night in the same hotel. The next morning the three woman meet in the hall and decide to have breakfast together and to gossip about their wedding night, although one of them claims she won’t be eating anything. The first starts enthusiastic, “Last night my husband put his whole hand inside me!” The second bride, not surprised at all, proudly takes her turn at once, “Mhuh… my husband put his whole arm inside me!” Then, both women look at the third one who, although moving very clumsily, stares at them with ambiguous satisfaction in her whole body, looks down on her hip and cries out to it, “Hey John, come out and say hello to Sarah and Pam!”

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Sex Joke

kinky king

This joke is between KING & HIS MINISTER …..
Today there is a serious conflict between the king & queen so he can’t even touch her fingertip even he is so horny…!!
The next day in the cabinet …..
KING: Hae! Why your right nostril is bigger than your left one??
Do any one drilled your nose??
Minister: yes! Lord!
KING: who the Fuck did this to you ??
Minister: you only my lord!!
KING: me? How that could be possible ??
Minister: lord…!
Yesterday when you are drunk, you just entered
my room instead of yours..
& thinking of my nose as queens ass hole…you just rammed my nose so sore …
KING: Why the Fuck, you didn’t shouted??
Minister: because your nut sac was deep into my mouth…
I too tried shouting ! But you heard as if I was moaning in pleasure …
KING: !!!*****!!

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Sex Joke

drive

this man walk into bar . he meet a woman in bar so he buy her a drink and they get to be talking. he buy her some more and they keep talking. so she say do you wanna go somewhere big boy? so he say sure my car is out front. he drive them to lovers lane. she and him make out. she say you want a blowjob? he say yeah. so she say i forgot to say i’m an escort, but i give you blowjob for only$50. he really horny now so he agree. after they sitting there. she say are we going? he say i forgot to say i’m a limo driver and i’ll drive you home for only $50 us money. the end

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Sex Joke

3 Eggs And A Little Cash!

A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.
“Oh those”, she replied, “every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box”.
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, “But what about the $7,000?”
“Oh that”, she replied, “every time I got a dozen I sold them.”

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Sex Joke

M. J.

Q:why does micheal jackson like 29 year olds
A: because there’s 20 of them

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Sex Joke

A Before And After Scene

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, “Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn’t quite ready for bye-byes yet.”
The wife takes the hint and says, “OK, but I have to use the bathroom first.” So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone “Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?”
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts “Clumsy bitch.”

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Sex Joke

The Girl I met on New Years Eve

I met a girl at a party on New Years Eve. She was about 5’5 or 5’7. Strawberry blond hair with a trendy short neck-length haircut, almond brown eyes. Attractive, and certainly nothing wrong with her. She was a little aloof in her social circles, but that wasn’t what I was concerned with.
We talked and drank, and watched the ball drop on the rented big-screen.
Later that night we wind up in a bedroom and we start kissing, which leads to groping, and we decide this is how were gonna ring in the new year, but my conscience comes up.
(Hey, who do you think you are taking advantage of a drunk girl?)
My conscience asked me.
“She not drunk. I’ll prove it.”
“Hey are you really drunk?” I asked her.
“No?” She answered questioningly.
“See, are you happy now?” I asked my conscience.
(Well, you do have a condom right?)
“Oh right. forgot about that.” So I got my pants from the floor, fished out the protection, and put on the rubber.
“Satisfied?”
(Well how do you know she’s over 18?)
“Couldn’t you have asked me that before all that? Fine, I’ll ask.”
“You are over 18, right?”
“Yeah?” She answered again.
(She could be lying. Ask to see her ID card.)
“Ughh, Fine!”
“Can I see you I.D. just to be sure?”
“Sure…”
So I reach over the edge of the bed to get her pants and wallet from inside it. Sure enough, she was 20.
“Now are you happy?” I asked my conscience.
“Excuse me…” The girl asked me.
“But who are you talking to?”
“……..”
It’s probably no surprise to me, that she hasn’t returned any of my calls the following week…. or ever again.

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Sex Joke

2 Smokin’ Old Ladies

Two women, both in their late 60s and still smoking, are walking down a street when it begins to rain. The first old lady pulls out a condom and places it on the end of her cigarette. The other lady, not knowing about condoms asks,” Whats that?” The other lady responds,”Its a condom, you can buy it in the store.” As they pass a 7/11, they walk in and the lady without a condom asks the man behind the counter,”Do you have condoms here?” The man behind the counter asks,”What size do you need?” The woman pauses and looks at her cigarette. “Oh I dunno, one big enough to fit a Camel.”

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Sex Joke

10 husbands, still a virgin?

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband 7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

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Sex Joke

what’s yo favorite thang??…huh?

Two black girls are walking along, one says to the other,” how old is you?”
younger one says,”i dunno.”….Older says, “What’s yo favorite thing?”…..younger says, “watermellon.”
Older says, “you is 10”
Black lady walks into a pharmacy and looks perplexed as she peruses all of the choices on the feminine product isle.
A young employee comes over to see if he can help. “Can i help you at all mam, you seem confused!”
“There’s so many of them, i jus cait decide!”…..the employee takes it upon himself to try to assist further, asking,” well what kind of flow do you have?”
the black lady looks at him and says,” linoleum.”

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Sex Joke

CITY SLICKER ASKS FARMER FOR BUTTERCUPS

A farmer answers his door and the city slicker asks if he can get some butter from his buttercups. The farmer stifles his chuckle and tells him, “okay.” A little later the farmer watches the slicker walking to his car with a bucket of butter. Couple days later the farmer answers his door and the city slicker asks the farmer if he can collect some honey from his honeysuckle. The farmer puts his hand over his mouth to prevent a laugh and tells the slicker, “sure.”
A little later the farmer watches the slicker walking to his car with a bucket of honey.
Couple days later the farmer answers his door and the city slicker asks him if he has any pussy willows. The farmer says, “Sure, let me get my coat.”

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Sex Joke

Let the ladies also see!

There was a very rich man who was obsessed with parties.he organised party for anything he bought be it small or big.
Once he bought a new underwear and decided to do a party.but when getting ready for party,being in hurry he forgot to wear his NEW underwear.
He went to the stage to announce the reason of the party and dropped his pants on the floor thinking he was wearing the underwear.
Seeing him all men stood up in shock.then the rich man told them “gentleman please sit down let the ladies also see”
i hope u all like the joke and give positive comments

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Sex Joke

men will be men

A Rich man wanted to marry.
three girls offered to marry him.
Man tested them giving them a 1000 bucks each to spend.
first bought a new dress and said that she wanted to look for him.
second got him few shirts,ties and perfumes and said she wanted him to look good.
third gal invested the money in market,got profit and returned the original amount,saying that she saved the rest for their future.
now here comes the decision
he decided to marry the girl who had
“the bigger boobs…!!!”
One mORE FOR you
Historical Thought!!!!
History always tells a story.
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That’s why you must always clear it before your dad uses the computer!

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