“Alright then, we’re going to bed,” Susan announced. “Take care of him and we’ll see you both in the morning.” The door shut behind them.

They had both been really helpful in calming Logan down. It was now just after midnight and since we were alone, I got undressed and ready for bed.

“You ok baby?” I asked as Logan lay in bed not having moved.

“Yeah, I’m just so confused and tired.” His eyes were wet and his face showed that he had been crying for hours. He had finally stopped before his brother and sister left, but he was still upset. I couldn’t blame him.

“It’s ok baby. It’s hard but you have so much family and friends that support and love you. Your mom loves you, but she just doesn’t understand how to accept this right now.” I tried to rehash what we had been discussing all night without upsetting him again.

“I know. I’m just amazed how I can feel the best in my life and the worst in my life in one night.” Logan took a deep breath and put his hands on his face trying to wipe the evidence of tears away.

I walked back to the bed and pulled off his shoes and socks before moving up to unbutton his pants. “Let’s just go to bed and hopefully we’ll all feel better in the morning.” I got him undressed and laid down with him.

“I can’t believe my brutha told her off like that.” He said looking up at the ceiling while I held him.

I was on my side with our legs tangled, my arm resting across his stomach and chest and my head cradled in between his bicep and pec muscle. “He loves you.”

He just lay there staring.

“You need to go to sleep Logan. You can’t just stay up all night like this.” I told him rubbing his chest.

He rolled me onto my back and rolled on top of me. He lay on top of me with his arms under by back and up my shoulder blades propping himself up with his elbows. He hovered over me and looked my straight in the eyes. “I didn’t mean it.”

“What?”

“I said I never wanted to love a man. I told you I hated that I have to love a man. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know. You told me.”

“But I don’t want you to think I don’t love you or I don’t want to love you because I don’t want anything more than to love you and be with you.” He said stroking my hair. He dropped his head down and kissed me and smiled, his first smile since going to see his mom.

“I don’t want anything else either. I love you.” I pulled him in for another kiss.

He shifted his weight to the bed at my side though he was still on top of me and rested his face in the side of my neck and shut his eyes.

**************************************************************************************

It was the most amazing, traumatic, loving, tearful, happy, depressing trip possible. We returned home and went back to our lives. Logan had a hard time with his mom’s reaction, but honestly took it pretty well. He got back to normal pretty quick after returning to the States.

Classes started and all was well again. It was mine and Randy’s senior year and Logan would be finishing grad school this year.

October rolled around and I was eating lunch after classes on campus. I didn’t normally eat on campus, but felt like a change of pace. It looked like a terrible decision when I looked up to Shawn pushing up to my table.

“Hi Zac”

“Hey Shawn”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“I don’t really think there’s anything to say, but by all means.” I said unenthusiastically while gesturing to the other side of the table.

“I know you’re mad and you have every right to be.”

“It’s been a year. I don’t care. I just don’t want to be around you.”

“Well, I wanted to apologize. I made a mistake and I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

“Good.”

“I still love you. I never stopped, and I wanted to beg you to take me back all of last year.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Would you have taken me back?”

“No, is that why you didn’t try?”

“No, I didn’t want to do that to you. I knew I blew it and that we could never get back to normal.”

“No, we couldn’t.” I thought he seemed a little too composed and though it sounded like he was being sweet, I didn’t believe it. “So how long were you with him?”

He sighed, “three months.”

“So must not have missed me too much.” I got all the closure I ever needed. All that time spent in tears and wanting Shawn was gone. He not only cheated on me, but rather than ending it immediately and trying to fix it, he stayed with him. “You can’t have it both ways Shawn. You can’t say that you truly felt bad and wanted me back all while staying with him.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“So why didn’t it work out?”

His head was down staring at the table. “He left me because he was worried I would cheat on him too.”

Ah, beautiful irony.

Nothing else needed to be said about it so Shawn moved on, “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, how long have you been seeing each other?”

“Almost 9 months.”

“Wow, you uh found someone quick.”

“Not as quick as you.” That seemed cold even for me. I tried to settle the conversation and move on, “Listen, I’m over what happened with us. I hated you for a long time and I was pretty self destructive, but I got back up and met an amazing man. I loved you and you broke my heart and for that I can’t have a relationship with you. If you need forgiveness for what you did then you’ll never get it, but I don’t care anymore. I don’t get upset over you. I’ve moved on and you should to. I just can’t be around you because of what you did.”

“Alright. I’m sorry. I hope you are happy and that is works out with this guy.”

“Thanks.”

*******************************************************************************

“So how did that go?”

“It was a pretty dry conversation. He seemed sorry and ashamed but at the same time didn’t really say much so maybe he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to say anything at all. I might’ve been a little mean to make him feel worse about it, but whatever.”

Logan pulled me into him as we lay out on his couch. “You didn’t hit him, did you?” he asked into my ear.

“No” I laughed and he hugged me tight.

“So do you have homework you need to work on?”

“No, just one class tomorrow at noon. Why?”

“Well, I don’t have class tomorrow. Will you stay here tonight?”

“Of course I will you sodding idiot.” I laughed and kissed him.

‘Sodding idiot’ had become one of my pet names for Logan after going to England with him. He likes it but said I can’t get away with it being a pet name when we go to England again. I agreed to use his other pet name in that case and got excited that he expects us to go again. So in the States I can call him ‘sodding idiot’ and in Europe I’ll call him ‘Logo’ which is just a cheesy thing that came to mind tweaking his name just a little.

*********************************************************************************

Spring came and everything was great with Logan. Randy was seeing someone new but I won’t bother mentioning her name because she’s not a long-term type for him, but he seems to be enjoying himself for the time being. I gave it about a month before he’d realize she wasn’t for him and moved on.

Logan and I were moving along in our relationship still living separate. We figured it’s better to see each other and keep things going great rather than rush into moving in. Not that it was a mistake with Shawn because moving in isn’t what screwed our relationship; Shawn screwed our relationship by screwing someone else.

Logan and I really just figured that we loved each other and that moving in wasn’t necessary yet. We could graduate this year and figure things out from there.

Unfortunately the happiness didn’t last forever. Everything was going too well and had to go south eventually and when they did they really did.

“Great, now I won’t fucking graduate!” I yelled.

“You’re still gonna graduate, just not this semester.” Randy assured. “You can take a couple classes in the fall to finish up and graduate in December. It’s not a big deal. I bet you can even get them to let you be in the graduation ceremony and just not get your degree until after you officially finish up in the fall.”

“Maybe your right, but what am I gonna do all summer and fall. You’re gonna go out and get a job and Logan will move on and I’ll be stuck in this shit hole going to class.” I said frustrated.

“I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ll still live here with you while I look for a job and keep working my current job to pay rent,” Randy explained calming me down, “and I’m sure Logan isn’t going anywhere either. Talk to him about it and go back to your advisor and get it all sorted out. It’s not the end of the world.”

I took his advice and calmed down. My degree was tweaked and I was somehow missing some credits and would need to take two more classes that slipped through the cracks. Logan confirmed Randy’s claim and said he’d extend his lease through December and we’d work everything out. They would keep their jobs and push back going into the real world for another few months. Neither seemed too disappointed to push off the real world so that calmed me down.

I didn’t see Logan all week as I tried to work out my plans. My advisor managed to get me permission to participate in graduation in the spring before I actually would graduate in the fall. She said that because of my record and that it was a mistake not caused by me that they would make the exception and they apologized for the inconvenience. Now if only they would apologize by giving me as discount in tuition. That didn’t happen.

I felt better and Friday rolled around and I was exhausted from all the running around getting things sorted. I got to my apartment and was about to sit down to relax when I got a frantic phone call.

“Zac! Is that you honey?!” My mom exclaimed.

“Yeah mom, calm down, I can barely hear you through the phone.”

“You need to come home! Come to the hospital. It’s your father, he had a heart attack we’re going there right now!”

“I’m on my way.” I hung up before I said anything else. “Randy, I’m taking your car! My dad’s in the hospital, had a heart attack.” I grabbed his keys and slammed the door before he could respond.

I drove home. It’s a few hours but feels longer when panicked. Randy texted me I could keep his car for the weekend if I needed.

I got to the hospital and met my mom there. She was not crying but her face was red as though she had been the entire time I was on the road and just ran out of fluids to cry.

Seeing her like that made the tears pour down my face, “No.” I shook my head starting to cry.

“No honey we don’t know yet.” She quickly corrected me as her look had given the impression my dad was dead.

“Where is he? What happened? When can we see him?”

“He’s just out of surgery. He just collapsed at home and the ambulance rushed him here. The doctors said it’ll be a little while longer and they’ll come get us when we can see him.” She explained as she hugged me.

It was 7 PM and we waited until 11 before the doctor came by and explained what happened. I didn’t make much sense of all the medical stuff or what they did in surgery but he was stable now and they would keep him over a couple nights for monitoring and testing to see what else they may need to do before officially releasing him.

He was awake at midnight and I went to see him. He talked with mom for a few minutes and she then left to talk to the nurse as I went up to talk to him. “How you feeling dad?”

“Like the 86 Sox but at least I made it out alive.”

I laughed and wiped away my tears. We talked for a couple minutes. He was really groggy from the drugs so I tried not to talk to him too much.

“How’s everything with you and Shawn?”

“I’m not with Shawn anymore dad, remember? I’m seeing Logan now.”

“Oh that’s right, that prick-“ His monitors elevated slightly as he got angry.

“It’s ok dad, that was a long time ago.” I said holding his hand. “I’m really happy now with Logan.”

His monitors went back down to normal. “I’m sorry son.”

“About what dad?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t do better with you and your sexuality.”

“Dad-“

“No, let me talk. I love you. I might not have always been supportive of your sexuality or understood how to handle it but I want you to be happy. If being with a man makes you happy then do it. As long as Logan does right by you then that’s all I can ask.”

“Thanks dad but please don’t talk like that.” I said as tears began to build up again.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re dying and you need to resolve something.”

“Oh I’m not dying like this. I just realized that eventually I will be gone and I need you to know that even though I may not always know what to say to you about your boyfriends and your love life, I really am ok with it and I love you.”

My mom came in and sat down with us. We talked a little more before the medication made him really tired and he went to sleep. My mom got the nurse to bring in a cot for her to stay the night there. She told me that I could stay in the house if I wanted or I could go back to campus and she would call me tomorrow and keep me updated with everything. I decided I’d go crazy in the hospital or at the house so I drove back to campus and would come back to visit throughout the week.

It was almost 4 AM when I got back in town and felt scared and emotional from the night so I drove to Logan’s apartment. I hadn’t told him about any of this night because I was in so much shock myself, but I knew he’d understand and I knew I’d feel much better if I could go to sleep in his arms.

I parked Randy’s car and walked up to Logan’s door. I had an extra key but didn’t think to use it and it might freak him out to have someone just come into his room at 4 in the morning. I knocked on the door and heard movement inside. I could feel my face was still marked from the tears. The door unlocked and opened in front of me.

The door opened to a half naked man “Who the fuck are you!?” I exclaimed as I looked at him. He looked exhausted and sweating. I stepped back before quickly turning and running back to the car. I got in and banged my head on the wheel. “FUCK FUCK FUCK” I screamed with every slam; tears pouring down my face. “How could he do this to me? Not now! Not tonight! Not Logan! He promised!” I cried.

I continued to cry into the steering wheel as I started the car. Before I could put it into reverse, Logan came running into the parking lot in his boxer-briefs. He slammed his body into the door “It’s not what you think!”

I opened the door.

“He’s a friend of mine who got drunk so I told him he could sleep on my couch. He answered the door like an idiot because he’s drunk.”

“Then why was he naked and sweating!?” I cried.

“Because he’s drunk! I swear to the god you don’t even believe in that I did not do anything with him. He’s just wasted and I couldn’t let him drive. I promise you that’s it. He likes woman and I love you!” He exclaimed.

I wiped my tears and pulled him partly into the car in a hug. I was way to emotional right now to deal with that and probably freaked out prematurely just from all the stress.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you he was staying over but I didn’t think you were coming over this late at night.” He said as I held him tight. “Baby, can we go inside? I’m fucking freezing out here.”

It had to be no warmer than 40 degrees out. We quickly went into his apartment where his friend was sprawled out on the couch passed out again. We went into his room where we got under the covers to warm up and I told him what had happened.

“I’m sorry baby, but everything seems alright now. You’re dad is ok and we got everything figured out for the fall and I absolutely would never cheat on you.” Logan said, holding me as we lay on our sides.

“I know, I’m just scared.” I responded softly.

“Scared of what?”

“Everything I guess. Life has been amazing and the last week and tonight especially just made me realize that everything can come to a crashing stop at anytime.” I paused as Logan began stroking my hair. “Something can change at random that changes our future. This time it just set us back until the end of the year but next time could be worse. My dad could’ve died tonight. You could’ve-“

“No I couldn’t. I love you.”

“I know, but-“

“No” Logan stopped me, “I-Love-You” he said slowly. “There’s nothing that will change that and I could never do anything to hurt you.”

I sighed, “I love you too.”

“Go to sleep baby. Relax and we’ll both visit your dad tomorrow and just put all this mess behind us.”

***********************************************************************

The rest of the year managed to be anticlimactic and we celebrated graduation with family and friends even though I was not officially graduating. My dad was healthy as the heart attack was not based on his lifestyle but rather his heart and they fixed it through surgery. So now everything appeared to be great.

We celebrated on campus with everyone before Logan and I went home with my parents to have dinner and more formally introduce them to Logan. They had met him a couple times but didn’t actually sit down and interrogate him.

“So Logan, what are you planning on doing now that you have graduated?” My dad asked.

“Well, I’ll be staying in my apartment through the year while Zac finishes his degree then we will see. I’m not too worried about finding employment, but I don’t know where it will take me.”

“Where would you like to work?”

“Well I will be sending out applications in the fall and will look to work in public relations and advertising. I hope to work for an athletic team, but that is just a dream and is very difficult to go into.”

“Interesting. So why is it that you are waiting until the fall?”

“I get to take a little time off after school and be with Zac.”

Dad was feeling him out. He had already been very polite and said he liked Logan, but now he was seeing if he would slip up or something.

My mom interrupted the interrogation to start her own, “So when did you two meet? Was it love at first sight?”

Logan laughed at her gossipy tone, “Well it was pretty close for me. I don’t know about Zac.” He looked at me with a questioning look.

I bit my lower lip not knowing how to react, but my mom saved me by jumping at the comment, “Oh do tell!” She was like a teenage girl.

“Well I actually was working as a waiter and Zac came in alone and looked rather upset. I could tell it was over a relationship and I brought him a free appetizer. I thought he was absolutely gorgeous, no doubt where he got his good looks.” He smiled at my mom and she snickered in approval; always the charmer. “I assumed it was over a girl so I went on with my life until after the semester when we bumped into each other when I got a new job at an electronics store where I work now. I had to say hello and it came up that he had been upset over a man, Shawn-“

“Bastard” my dad mumbled.

“I agree,” Logan said acknowledging my dad, “then I sort of froze. I had already thought he was very handsome but then I found out he was gay. He left and I knew I couldn’t let him go and chance never seeing him again. I ran out into the parking lot and asked him to dinner.”

“Romantic.” My mom smiled.

“Yes, well, I took him to dinner and fell in love.” I sat back in my chair in shock as I listened to our story as though I had no idea what happened because apparently I didn’t. “I don’t want to sound sappy but I really did. He wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I was willing to wait for him and made sure we remained friends. We hung out often and eventually I became impatient. It was unbearable being with him and not being able to hold him.” He looked at me with a smile holding my hand. My mom’s heart sank as did mine. “I was afraid you just wanted to be friends and that was breaking my heart.” He turned back to looking at my mom, “I went to his apartment and told him I couldn’t stop thinking about him and that I wanted more. I would wait as long as he needed but that I wanted a relationship and not a friendship anymore. He said yes and the rest is history. I didn’t tell him I loved him until months later but I’ve loved him since that first date.”

My mom sighed “Aww, that’s beautiful. So Zac, was it love at first sight for you too?”

“I, uh-“ I stared blankly.

“Way to ruin a perfectly wonderful story Zac,” my mom sneered as she stood up to clear the table.

Logan laughed, “It’s ok, he loves me now and that’s all I can ask.”

We moved to the living room and talked some more about Logan and me and them and everything. We were up pretty late before going to bed. Logan and I went into my bedroom where he snooped around my old things.

“So what is it about you that makes people just melt and take your side over everyone else?” I asked from my bed.

“What do you mean?”

“You talk and my mother turns to butter and makes me look like the bad guy.”

“It’s the accent.” Logan smiled as he snooped around.

“Oh really?”

“Worked on you didn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sold yet.” I said with a smile and turned out the light.

Logan abandoned snooping in the dark and crawled into bed. He pulled me in tight and slightly slid my underwear down.

“Logan!” I whispered sternly.

“What? No one’s around and it’s your room. Let’s make love.” He said in an exaggeratedly thick accent.

“Are you really trying to prove your accent hold all your charm?”

“Not all of it.” He poked his head under my arm and put hi face on my chest under the covers and brushed his scruff against me softly. “The rest is this” He knew I was crazy for his facial hair and that it was a crazy turn on and used it against me regularly.

I took a slow deep breath, “we have to be quiet.”

“That’s something you have to worry about not me.” Logan said with a big smile as he looked up at me from my chest and moved up for a kiss.

He pulled my underwear off and maneuvered his way between my legs. He kissed me softly before putting a pillow over my face and disappearing under the covers. I felt his tongue in my crack and him spreading my cheeks. His tongue wandered around before probing my hole. I bit down on the pillow to keep quite. He sufficiently prepared my ass before climbing back up to me and removing the pillow. Logan kissed my neck gently as he entered me. I began to gasp and he kissed me to muffle the sound. He thrust slowly as he kissed me. His mouth was the only thing keeping me quiet.

As Logan slowly made love to me, his skin grew moist with sweat. He had to continue kissing me relentlessly or my moans would grow too loud. We both grew closer to climax and Logan broke his lips away from mine. He panted quietly as he continued thrusting and replaced his tongue with two fingers in my mouth. I sucked his fingers to keep quiet and he brushed his scruffy cheek against my face. My body shivered as I unloaded on my stomach and his. He pushed himself forward and did the same inside of me. We kissed and Logan rolled off of me panting.

There was a knock at the door and it swung open. We were both pretty shocked. My mom stepped in with an arm full of towels. “Hey sweetie, I just wanted to drop some towels off for you two for the morning.” She looked up, “Logan honey, why are you all wet?”

“Oh just a bit warm I guess. I’m used to having the air conditioner on full blast.” Logan said thinking on his feet.

“Oh well Zac usually does the same. Why don’t you get a fan out or something Zac? Or you could at least take some of those blankets off. Forcing Logan to sleep with all that padding. No wonder he’s sweating.”

“Ok mom I’ll take care of it. Good night.”

“Goodnight you two.” She closed the door behind her.

“It really is the accent isn’t it?”

“I guess. Do think she really bought it?”

“Yeah, I think she did. Now grab one of those towels to clean up.” I pointed and Logan got up to retrieve a towel and wiped both of us off.

***************************************************************************

It was no time at all before the semester was coming to a close. Randy had found a job and was working on finding a new apartment after our lease was up. Logan had been waiting on replies from his applications but there wasn’t any word so far. I had no idea what I was going to do after graduation. My degree was in business and it really didn’t mean anything other than I knew how not to royally screw over a company. Any job I would find would require some serious training. I basically just had a filler degree, but it was a big filler though seeing as how now company or decent business would hire me without a four year degree.

It was the weekend before finals week. I didn’t have any finals as it was just two classes and I only needed to file some final paperwork to get my degree and move on. Logan took me out for a great dinner in celebration of me finally being done.

He was really sweet. We had wine and great food and he was in his best outfit and freshly shaved leaving only his nicely groomed strip of facial hair reaching from ear to ear. He even gelled his hair despite it being a buzz cut and there was nothing he could do with it. I guess it just made his hair shinier. He looked gorgeous. The whole night was amazing. We talked about fun little things going on and kept everything light. I could tell he was a little stressed and wanted to keep the mood light. He was worried about his applications so his being on edge was understandable. So we didn’t talk about that.

After a great night out, we went back to his apartment. The whole drive to his place was quiet. I was getting worried about him. He was really upset about not finding a job yet. He had sent them out during the summer and had been scrambling recently with phone calls trying to find a position. I just sat quiet during the drive not wanting to ruin a good evening out by stressing over something I knew would work out.

We got to his apartment door and he couldn’t find his key in the mess of keys on his keychain. Never usually a problem, but he had so many damn keys I was shocked it didn’t happen more often. He eventually found it and we went inside. He had cleaned his apartment completely in preparation for moving out. It was nice being in a clean apartment. I sat down on the couch and Logan grabbed a couple glasses and a bottle of what I guessed was wine. He was really stressed if he was going for this much booze in a night. I wasn’t about to argue, but I had to ask, “What’s with all the wine tonight?”

Logan set the glasses down in front of us and sat down next to me, “It’s not wine.” He turned to me and grabbed my hand. I looked at him and his hand was shaking.

I looked into his eyes strangely, “What’s wrong?”

“Zac, I love you more than anything.” He sighed, “I’ve never been happier in my life then whenever I’m with you.” He laughed slightly “Even when we argue over my laundry piling up or you using up all my gas tank when you drive my car.” He smiled, licked his lips and looked back into my shocked eyes. “I wouldn’t change a minute we’ve spent together and I don’t want to spend a minute without you in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and” he paused as he dug in his pocket “and I hope you’d like to spend the rest of your life with me.” He lifted his shaking left hand as I breathed heavy and saw a flash of light in his hand. “Zac, will you marry me?”

“Hell yeah!” I whimpered, tears in my eyes, before grabbing him and hugging him tight.

We held each other for a moment before we broke and he showed me the ring he bought. “Look at the inscription.” He said before I put it on.

The inside of the platinum ring it read “forever your sodding idiot”.

I laughed as I wiped another tear from my eye and Logan pulled out a second ring, “I hope you don’t mind but I bought both rings. They are the same and I was promised there would never be another like them.” He laughed as we put the rings on. Logan poured two glasses of what I now realized was champagne and I wiped a tear from his face with my thumb.

We toasted our glasses and after a sip he added, “There’s one more thing I need to talk to you about?”

“You don’t want to try to get pregnant? Because I don’t think that would work. Though I’m up for trying.”

Logan laughed and almost spit up his champagne, “No, it’s about work. I have been talking to a few different people about possible jobs for me. I had three different offers this past month and I’ve narrowed it down to two.”

“That’s amazing. I thought you were still waiting on all of them. I thought that was why you were so tense tonight. So what are the offers? Where are you going to work?”

“I got it down to two choices and they both pay well. Both would have me starting early next year and would give us enough money up front to find a place to live and settle in before I even start.”

I smiled really excited that he said ‘us’. “So where are we moving?”

“That’s what I need to ask you.”

“What do you mean?”

“One is close by for a couple different stadiums event offices in the area and we could live close to your family and friends and we could even start looking at houses next week.”

“That sounds great. Where’s the other one?”

“It’s in London. I’d be running the event and ticket offices for a football team.”

“Logan!” I exclaimed. “That’s your dream. How is there even a choice?”

“Because It’s not just making a choice for me. It’s a choice that’s for us. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want. The job here pays well and we can stay close to everyone you love.”

“Logan, I love you.”

“And I’d be here. Wherever we go, I’ll be happy because I’ll be with you.”

“Can you for just two seconds not be unbearably perfect and think about yourself? This is your dream job. You’ve always talked about working for a football team in England and this is exactly that. If you won’t think about yourself then I will. We’re moving to London and your taking your dream job.”

“Are you sure?” Logan asked excitedly.

“I’m positive.” I smiled, “We’re moving to London.” I wrapped him in a hug and laughed in excitement, “We’re getting married and moving to London.”

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